But don’t worry. I’m not going to off myself. Trust me, if I haven’t done it yet I’m not going to.

Also I would never give her the satisfaction.

I just want to stop existing. To no longer be. To sleep. To stop disappointing my family who respect me so little that they can’t even trust that i know what is right for me.

I interviewed for this position with a small non-profit in DC last month. I thought it went great, my interviewer and I really had great rapport, and she told me they definitely would want to talk to me again.

Fast forward three weeks and two emails from me with no response, and I just checked LinkedIn to find out that that they’v hired someone.

Just fucking great.

Starting to think I should just stamp “unhireable” across my forehead.

"Oh my God, what if you wake up some day, and you’re 65, or 75, and you never got your memoir or novel written; or you didn’t go swimming in warm pools and oceans all those years because your thighs were jiggly and you had a nice big comfortable tummy; or you were just so strung out on perfectionism and people-pleasing that you forgot to have a big juicy creative life, of imagination and radical silliness and staring off into space like when you were a kid? It’s going to break your heart. Don’t let this happen."
— Anne Lamott (via creatingaquietmind)

(Source: middlenameconfused)

For a large part of my childhood I wanted to be Robin Hood when I grew up.

(Source: pearleyednomad)


Most adult children of toxic parents grow up feeling tremendous confusion about what love means and how it’s supposed to feel. Their parents did extremely unloving things to them in the name of love. They came to understand love as something chaotic, dramatic, confusing, and often painful—something they had to give up their own dreams and desires for. Obviously, that’s not what love is all about.

Loving behavior doesn’t grind you down, keep you off balance, or create feelings of self-hatred. Love doesn’t hurt, it feels good. Loving behavior nourishes your emotional well-being. When someone is being loving to you, you feel accepted, cared for, valued, and respected. Genuine love creates feelings of warmth, pleasure, safety, stability, and inner peace.

— Susan Forward, Toxic Parents, p381 (via fromonesurvivortoanother)


"I’m 33 and I still work as a bartender. To make it worse, my brother is a world renowned chemist. So when my father talks to people at weddings, he says: ‘My son just got a million dollar grant. And my daughter lives in New York.’ The thing is, I used to be such an overachiever. I skipped the last two years of high school. I got a full ride to college, but ended up dropping out. I don’t know what happened. I keep telling myself I’m saving up to go back to school, but I don’t have any savings. I don’t know, I just feel very lame all the time. Don’t make me sound too lame."

It’s remarkably easy to fail. I’ve done it a lot.